The good, the bad, and the ugly

I had planned a post to update you all on things in the Snoek household over the past weeks. However there were so many goings on that I really don't know where to begin.

We have been busy (in a very relaxing and blessed way) with family and friends visiting. People have asked if it was tiring to have visitors - but these visitors were a blessing, an encouragement, great support, and domestic super heroes.

Here are the Sistas being an encouragement and general life-of-the-party

As the dust settles (now that you understand that phrase correctly) our next oncology scan was done this week. Judy came home with a nice certificate explaining to officials that her radioactivity was entirely due to medical reasons. Apparently the isotope they used had a half life of 2 hours and would be undetectable after 20 hours. Pretty spooky stuff if you ask me!

Well that was a few days ago and we've let Judy back into the house. Fortunately there was no snow that night, only light rain.

Today we had the report from the oncologist and it was perhaps a little confusing, but mostly good. So the Good : Judy's tumors in her spine are reduced and there was no sign of spread to any other bones. The scan also showed 'stuff' around both lungs, consistent with the disease but the oncologist said that he thinks this is due to the surgeries on both lungs. Certainly Judy is feeling no pain, suffering shortness of breath, or coughing. So the oncologists more cheerful conclusion has our endorsement. Another confusing (and maybe 'bad' part of the report was that the liver lesions appeared to have increased. The initial PET scan didnt show very clearly what was going on in the liver so a CT scan was performed which showed 7-9 lessions, 2 of which were significant. So we don't THINK this result stands. Again Judy feels well (she even put on a few more pounds!), and that counts for a lot.

The oncologist really did feel this was a good result, confusion not withstanding and not altogether unusual. He said it was days like today that got him into this business and we were quite happy to have made his day for him!

As for the ugly, that is clearly the events in Newtown. While we celebrate and praise God for his answers to prayers regarding Judy's health, the events of last Friday cast a pall over all around us. Please continue to pray for all those affected by this horror.

Gangnam Style

Yes I'm still in the top 800,000,000 people in the world for knowing what is hip on Youtube. Although it was a close run thing.

I was also going to post snapshots gangnam style but while pictures of me with dark shades made it past the censor the closeup photos of my **** lady's ****** didn't.

So what else to talk about?

Part of the reason for the delays in posting is that we are still awaiting the tests to catch up with what we are seeing. It really looks like the hormone therapy is managing Judy's disease. She is feeling better and better each day. At the last oncologist meeting he said she has the sparkle back in her eye. He set the next appointment for a months time. So we can see her regaining strength after this last op, but we still have to wait for the scan to confirm what is happening with her tumors. Clearly though it's hard to keep down the mounting excitement.

When I picked up the 'sistas' (oh yeah they are gangsta) I said we feel fraudulent having you come all this way to see us, because Judy is really starting to feel well again. Happily they stuck to family tradition and ignored me.

After a wonderful visit Esther has gone home again, albeit with a vicious cold that Troy has managed to pass around to all the family, except Judy and Sandra. Sandra is being kept behind for another week to see if Troy can complete his Typhoid Mary mission.

Eliot came home for 2 days over Thanksgiving and saw the state of Troy, Esther, and me and decided he was having none of this. So he spent the 2 days with a bandana tied bandit style over mouth and nose. Friday dawned to see another sick Snoekie.

 So Thursday (Thanksgiving day) was pretty muted for most of us although we did spend time in gratitude for, not only the amazing love and support from friends and family near and far, but also the Lord's answers to our prayers (some of them!) for Judy.

In other news - We have more visitors coming this weekend, followed by Stella and her husband. Such a blessing and encouragement!

 I have also had my eye surgery put forward - it'll be this week! I'm hoping that it will improve my night vision as well as being able to see my computer screen properly again.


In the meantime I'll continue to hone my YouTube skills - hey - have you seen the guy who does the evolution of dance?

E.S.T. Delights

Well what an honour this is, updating the Snoek blog!  Hopefully it makes it past the resident censor.

It has been pure delight to be here with the family in Connecticut, experiencing their world, albeit for a short time.  Judy has been gaining in strength since our arrival which has been very encouraging for all of us, and she is hard to keep down at times!  We would like to think its because she has extra support from home on tap, but truth be told, it probably has more to do with recovery after the op.  We have been taking pictures here and there of various situations and activities, a few are posted below. 

There are many delights to be thankful for, and listed below are the ones that come to mind:

Seeing Judy (and Ron and Troy & Eliot)
Being part of the Snoek family for a short time
Being able to help out here and there
Meeting Eliot for dinner (and his girlfriend Chana) and seeing his digs
Spending quality time altogether
Witnessing the generosity of the American people first hand
The drive to Newtown, so picturesque
Panera bread (coffee and food outlet)
The rustier nail (more food)
The American homes
Shoveled snow at roadsides
Having the chance to revisit stores like sears, Macy's, Kohls and more
Troy coming home from school on the yellow bus - in this picture Troy is the only passenger!
Hanging up washing on that funny line
Experiencing thanksgiving dinner, all ready to go from the supermarket!

Thank you Ron, Judy and Troy for making us so welcome
From the sistas

Melon cauli

I haven't posted for a while, and the reasons are multilayered but simple. There is no new negative directions in Judy's condition (indeed the opposite). We have continued to receive an outpouring of Gods grace in a myriad of ways.

Laura and Mikey came, briefly. Sandy came even more briefly and kept Laura and Mikey another 6 days. Sandy bypassed us as if God put his hand down on Brookfield - enough maelstroms there.

Judy is recovering well from the 2nd lung procedure. Stitches are out, no infections, pain receding.

Sandra and Esther are here. the house sparkles and rings with love, laughter, lavender.

but

my wife is dying

She remains steadfast, cheerful, faithful, glorifying. No word of complaint is to be heard. No fear dwells within, yet sin will desecrate me. The selfishness and yet pragmatism of that lay me low.


Rising with spring of Spring
Blooming, serving in the heat of life
no winter in her heart

Sand(y) in your eye

Well today is a pretty interesting day in the US Snoeks household. Judy had her operation early this morning and is resting in a nice warm solid building with electricity, water, and food services. I'm not quite sure why I'm not there with her!

Hurricane Sandy has started making it's presence felt although we are really just getting the wind side of the storm. Still all major roads have been closed since 1pm so we are hunkered down and waiting to see what happens.

We've had one power-cut, which was restored within seconds but it doesn't bode well for the rest of the night/week I suspect!

Laura and Mike are also here sharing in the adventure as their return flight has been delayed from Monday to Sunday - a good indication of the degree of disruption this storm is bringing!

Now it's 2 hours later and we are on our 12th power cut. Each time it's long enough to knock out the PC, then back it comes. The town of Brookfield is currently at 61% without power so I rather gave up trying to complete this post.

now I post it every few minutes, and update when the power comes back :-)  

I had a call with Judy and she was feeling rather better - just very sleepy.

Thursday update

Just a quick note to record that the oncologist visit today was very positive indeed.

The MRI came back saying Judy had a beautiful brain.

Judy's liver functions are still in the normal range.

Judy's blood work is also perfectly normal.

Oddly enough we were waiting for our appointment and we heard some Aussie accents. I (naturally it was me) opened my mouth and soon we had a little antipodean corner going in the oncology waiting room. Of the 9 people in the waiting room, 7 were from the really deep south. 2 sets of patients, with partners, were from Australia, as well as the hospital chaplain.

One of the patients used to work for IBM and learned FORTRAN there (a programming language) in the late 1950's. The Chaplains's brother (I think) was one of the 10 people on the team that invented FORTRAN at IBM (in the late 1950s)!

To make the loop complete I had written some really horrible code (in FORTRAN) while working at the Wellington City Council to map the roading system of Wellington, together with all the land use information (Land use is the data used in assessing your city taxes or rates) and the power, gas, and water lines. I have to say that while a lot of my code is horrible, this is the worst I've ever produced. Fortunately it wasn't ever used in city planning!

All quite odd, but nice.

Left, right, left

Judy is feeling better again (up, down, up) so we are enjoying the sight of her with washing up gloves on.

Today we also had our meeting with the surgeon and have booked in to have the same procedure done on her left lung as they did on her right. Judy had been feeling shortness of breath, tiredness etc. and an x-ray showed that fluid is starting to build up on her lung on the other side this time. So Judy will have the operation early Monday morning, and hopefully will only need 3 days in hospital afterwards.

We are also awaiting the results of the brain scan yesterday which we expect to get tomorrow at the oncologist.

Thanks you for the many comments, emails, cards, and calls. Your support is a great encouragement to us both. Thanks also for the kind words about this blog, sorry to let the side down but creativity and humor both seem to have taken a sabbatical today.

It is a hard road for us, my normal desire to turn a smile should not mask the burden we bear. It's hard to think of things to ask for help with, just as it is hard for you to think of ways to assist us. However - your contacts, in whatever form, are precious and helpful to us.



Not to be morbid :-)   This has always had a special place in our hearts



Holy Sonnet 6, “Death be not proud”

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think’st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me;
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe go,
Rest of their bones, and souls delivery.
Thou’art slave to Fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppies,or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better then thy stroke; why swell’st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more, Death thou shalt die.

Welding Cake

Today is Judy's 49th birthday.

I cant say it's the happiest birthday, but as with all things there are things to laugh about. We actually both forgot it was her birthday this morning! I got Troy off to school, picked up some groceries and headed home to get Judy for out weekly visit to see Pezz. Judy was not feeling so well this morning so getting showered and dressed was a stretch goal for her this morning. We were halfway to the hospital when Judy suddenly said 'It's my birthday'. Whoops.

I have to say it's the first time in recorded history that a husband really didn't get in trouble for forgetting his wife's birthday! We had celebrated it pretty well on Saturday with all our family gathered together (plus a guest celebrity from Christchurch in attendance!)

We went out for dinner on Saturday night and went to our local restaurant. Normally there is no problem with getting a seat as it's not doing all that well. You all know the restaurant - it started off as a pizza shack and has gone through 5 other incarnations since then. Well on Saturday night they turned us away as the restaurant was fully booked by a group working to raise awareness of breast cancer.

So today Judy admitted to not feeling so well and Pezz got a bit alarmed when Judy felt faint while sitting on the exam table (twice). Since we were already at the hospital we swiftly had a battery of tests performed.

Her heart ECG checked out OK, but a chest x-ray showed she does have a pleural effusion in her left lung now. To-date it had been contained to the right lung and heart. In the event that this means the hormonal treatment is not working (NOT CONFIRMED) we have a brain scan scheduled for tomorrow. There is not data to suggest it has spread to the brain (Judy still beats me at WELDER and she knows all your phone numbers by heart). She also had her monthly injection to strengthen her bones and they gave her a liter of fluid to help make her feel better as well. That did work and Judy was home from hospital in time to have a lovely meal made by Laura. How lovely? Well Judy had 2 helpings!

Yes Judy also enjoyed a slice of this cake!

So please pray for the MRI tomorrow and Just also has an appointment with the surgeon on Friday. Hopefully a pleurodesis wont be required again, or if it does that it is not as major a procedure as the first was (the heart is not involved so perhaps it will be easier). Judy is quite a bit weaker than the first time around. 

Having typed that, Judy is still awake at 11pm and feeling better now than at any stage today. 

Quack quack?

I guess news has dried up of late, in this case anecdotally supporting the adage that no news is good news. 

Judy has been feeling well in the context of the past 2 months, we are very grateful indeed for this. Being grateful seems a poor item to report on and has nothing to do with ducks.

Let me see if I can justify a blog....

Some among you, or among your friends, have various cures, treatments, recommendations, miraculous tales to share. We are happy to receive them all but I wanted to explain my attitude towards the fringe elements of healthcare. This will probably offend but you have to remember my medical credentials and accept that I have a voice in this matter :-)

Firstly I realize that those who raise their hopes for better treatment or a cure do so out of a desire to help, encourage, give hope. This is welcome, it's nice, it's encouraging.

Firstly - cancer is quite complicated. I know a lot more about breast cancer than there are people that I'm smarter than. Cancers are different from each other so what happened to your friend when they drank distilled bat plasma under a full moon does not always have much application to our situation. I try to not get into too much medical jargony detail here but every time I talk to Hans I have to have a wee lie down until my head stops hurting.

Secondly I know that alternative treatments are a popular avenue in many parts of the world and I don't know anything about their specifics. I haven't read the studies. I haven't passed an oncology board examination. I haven't even had much exposure to alternative medicine. I'm not knocking the field, if these things have helped you, your friends, cured your niece Anastasia then 'cool'.

Thirdly this is my take on things so you know how I will respond to your suggestions, or what barriers you have to pass to convince me to pay closer attention.

Judy, whom I love, and love to talk about, has been incredibly healthy all our life together. I ate Big Macs and fries for lunch and dinner and Judy ate salads. Judy has always exercised and I smoked. Judy loves vegetables, and I dream of developing a pesticide to eradicate Brussels Sprouts from the world. It's a noble cause, click here to help fund my research.

We have been eating organic stuff for quite a few years now, we cant quite remember but it predated Judy's cancer. So telling me that it's her diet is not going to get you much traction. Statistically Judy can't have stage 4 cancer - she's a 4-sigma exception.

Now as for complimentary treatments - acupuncture, massage, and 'yodeling your way to a stress free life'. They all have a place and we might use complimentary treatments to palliate Judy's symptoms. Your grandma's chicken soup recipes are welcome - my attempts at a good soup from the internet stalled at several tries that only resulted in watery chicken casserole.

Alternative treatments though - this is the tough spot as they are an alternative to the proscribed medical treatment. Again you have to remember that I hold the medical profession in pretty high regard. Some of my best brothers are doctors.

In America there are 2 main protagonists in healthcare. I exclude Obama and won't post any political views here. I exclude doctors as well, they are just in the middle trying to skim a livelihood off the top. To my mind the players are the drug and insurance companies. Let me expand that for the 3 people still reading.

Drug companies are profit making entities. They like having you on expensive drugs, especially non-generic ones. They are motivated to find treatments for things that make you feel bad. Do they want to cure the common cold? Given the amount of money cold remedies make them maybe not. However the minute Pharmaceutical ABC gets a breakthrough they will milk it for all it's worth. They are business entities and can be relied on to act in their own best interest.

In Judy's case we pay approx. $10 per month for her hormonal treatment. Ergo they have no interest in Judy at this stage. Perhaps various trials that are underway may become of interest to us later on. My point is that they are not withholding a magic drug that will cure Judy, just so they can keep that $10 per month flowing.

The insurance companies dictate every action of the medical profession. They pay the doctors for what they do, so they control what the doctors do, directly.  Secondly America has this thing called litigation. If the doctors treating Judy don't provide a defensible course of treatment then I can sue them and take a lot of money away from them. They tend not to like this. Going further, if the insurance companies know about a miracle cure for Judy's condition and they don't provide it then they will be sued for hundreds of billions of dollars. Are insurance companies sweet, friendly, or helpful in any way? Nope, but they are profit making entities and as such are motivated by the steady supply of money and as such are comfortably predictable.

Either the drug companies will track down the active ingredients in 'natural' cures to make a killing (and save lives!) or the insurance companies will investigate whether there is credible evidence that might lead to lawsuits against them if they do not support the provision of that treatment.

This is my logical framework to process the options we face. No I don't blindly trust in companies, and there are examples of immoral behavior in companies! Imagine that, sin in the world!

I believe that if there is a cure in the world then this financial pressure will expose it, but

        My hope is built on nothing less
        Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
        I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
        But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
        
        When darkness veils His lovely face,
        I rest on His unchanging grace;
        In every high and stormy gale
        My anchor holds within the veil.

        His oath, His covenant, and blood
        Support me in the whelming flood;
        When every earthly prop gives way,
        He then is all my Hope and Stay.
      
        When He shall come with trumpet sound,
        Oh, may I then in Him be found,
        Clothed in His righteousness alone,
        Faultless to stand before the throne!

        On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
        All other ground is sinking sand.

Gratitude

Judy here, so this will lack the humor that accompanies Ron's posts. I am feeling much better than the latter half of last week, with no idea why there are such dramatic changes from one day to the next. Rather than becoming overly analytic, we will gladly take the good days with the bad.


Today, when visiting the oncologist, we discovered my liver function tests had dropped to within normal range, something we are very grateful for and an answer to prayer since they had been steadily climbing.

We are constantly overwhelmed by the kindness of so many folk towards us. 

 This morning a friend brought breakfast - quiche and muffins - which she must have got up early to prepare since she delivered it before 7.30 am. We were able to enjoy it with some of the Canadian Snoeks who called us Saturday night and asked if we would like them to visit the next day. 

They arrived yesterday afternoon and this morning while we visited the oncologist - only away for 90 minutes in total - with the three of them they managed to clean the bathroom, polish off a huge pile of ironing, vacuum all of the dog's hair off the carpet downstairs, do some garden maintenance and place some tar on the roof where we still have a leak into the porch. There are probably other jobs I haven't noticed yet.

This past week we continued to have meals delivered and this afternoon another one came, which are prepared with such care. It is very touching to be the recipients of all this love and support. Thank you all so much; it is humbling. 

Emotion

A fair warning - today was an emotional day for both of us.

Judy has been very tired these last few days. yes it really has been a roller-coaster. We don't know the cause of her tiredness as yet, but will see the oncologist on Monday. The first option is the progression of the disease through her body. The other extreme (to our limited minds) is that she is still suffering through her post-op recovery. Naturally a combination of the 2 is true to an extent.

When we have such uncertainty it can be a real struggle. How much time do we have left together? Do we start working on the papers, or do we still have a lot of days to enjoy? Can family come now, soon, or is the next few months still going to be OK?

In the midst of  these up and downs the Lord makes His presence felt so strongly. I had a blessed time of encouragement from my brother last night, and blessed conversation with a brother in the Lord this morning. While walking the dog a neighbor with tears in his eyes offered prayers and support for us. I opened the mail  today and there were no bills only cards of love and encouragement. A young girl brought a meal that her class at a local Christian school had prepared for us. Meals are brought to us with little separate packages to add to the salad, a dessert, some breakfast treats.

So our emotions are up and down. Sometimes it's nice to talk about politics, often we think "Elections? Really? In what country will they be voting?"

Constant in all of this has been our comfort in the Lord and our delight in the way he does lift us up when we are feeling dismayed. From a young girls knock at the door, to the lyrics of a special song, to the thoughtful practical help of those far away, the Lord brings kindness and shows his compassion for us through all these many ways.

Judy normally would have sent cards out to all of you by now, expressing gratitude for all that you have done for us. She is frustrated that she has not been able to do so and now I think we are just overwhelmed - "how many thankful cards do we send that family for meals now? is  it 3 or 4"?

Cards in the mail can not express it. Know that you are the arms of the Lord around us.

and your credentials are?

Even 8 years ago I was very comfortable expressing my opinions (yes this is Ron not Judy!) quite freely and in a variety of settings. I recall discussing plans with Judy's medical team about the plan for surgery and then chemo. I interjected politely but firmly and made a useful contribution to their plans - actually I turned them around but I don't mean to boast. In spite of a good track record the reaction I get, no matter the weight of my input, seems to be "and what exactly are your credentials"?

"Well", I explain, "my brother is a doctor".

If that doesn't settle matters then I also trot out the heavy artillery - "Both my wife AND my daugther are nurses, further my son is doing pre-med". I find this quite sufficient to establish accreditation, sadly others are not as enlightened as I am. Dropping out of college 5 times is VERY enlightening.

This weeks visit to the oncologist was therefore satisfying in several ways;

1. After my call of the previous week he clearly felt he needed to review the way he communicated with us. We had a good sit down conference around the table and he presented various treatment studies relating to hormonal therapy and chemo treatment. We were able to discuss the various merits of the treatment options and make reference to the latest reviews and studies on the subject. All this was very helpful and we both feel very comfortable with what is being planned and how it is being managed.
2. There was a lot of good news as I've previously posted. Even just walking into the exam room Pezz could see that Judy was feeling much better. He told us he had been very concerned last week. He didnt revise the prognosis but was clearly very happy.
3. Being treated with the respect my ego deserves is very much appreciated as well. Pezz made copies of the reports he had studied and gave them to me to review as well. This is the way way things should be! Naturally given my academic history I can't follow a word of them, but he used lots of yellow highlighter, which I think means he understood it.

Overall there is no change in status or planning - we still have to wait and see the efficacy of the hormonal treatment, the way the liver progresses, and watch for evidence of further spread of the disease. IF we are able to go to NZ in Dec/Jan then we will have to take the flights in a few shorter segments and probably have a day or 2 in between.

Some people, as a closing note of defiance, have thought me insesntive in my comments about the visit of my son-in-law and his wife. Let me make 2 things clear. Firstly I AM insensitive, sorry if that is a problem for you. Secondly - don't you agree that if we won a $400,000,000 lottery tomorrow that it would still be rightly considered a consolation prize?

Finally - if you dont know me well enough - I'm happy. My wife is feeling better. When I'm happy I write nonsense that few people can decipher.

Tomorrow

An obvious subject title but one oddly enough just as elusive to us as to all diviners, fortune tellers, soothsayers, and Mayan calendar makers.

We have had a good week, Judy has been gaining in strength, energy, and even weight. Who could have foretold that we happily announce a gain in weight!?

It's been a remarkable turnaround and one that has been such a blessing and encouragement. Our 'Todays' are filled with laughter, calls from loved ones, and the continuing provision of Manna from heaven.

Looking forward is still hard. This isn't news I know. I did call the oncologist this week, behind Judy's back as she refuses to interrupt his busy week. I decided to brave the fallout as I wanted to better understand the treatment plan for Judy. A number of you also have expressed similar concerns.

Basically chemo finished 8 years ago. For 5 years Judy had a hormonal treatment. It is POSSIBLE that that hormonal treatment has been effectively keeping her cancer at bay, maybe even these 3 years since she stopped taking it. Therefore the treatment is to get her back onto hormonal therapy. If it reduces the growth and spread of Judy’s cancer, then we can stay on that treatment for as long as possible. As soon as it is no longer effective they will then try chemo. So we have a weekly check with the oncologist and he will determine if extra tests/scans are required and whether the treatment needs to be changed.

This is aimed at giving Judy the best quality of life possible. There is no medical avenue of curing the disease, only of slowing it down. Nevertheless, I hope you are joining me in praying that the Lord does cure Judy.

So for the next weeks we are hanging on to the results of these progress checks with the oncologist. He says that it may take up to 2 months before a clear view emerges. Therefore part 1 of 'tomorrow' means staying put in Brookfield. We had hoped to do a drive out to some outlying friends - Ohio, North Carolina etc. But that is on hold for now.

As a consolation prize Laura and Mikey have booked tickets and will be here from the 15th for 2 weeks. Helen Nugteren is also popping in on her whirlwind world tour! We hope also to see some other family members between now and December.

What does 'Tomorrow' look like after December? Judy will be able to fly again so if her treatment is still hormonal and going well then we expect to head south for some time with our family in New Zealand. Looking out further I have set one of Judy's passwords to "Rome2013" so every time she logs in to read your lovely messages of support and encouragement she has a reminder of a 'stretch goal' to continue to aim for.

We know however that every 'tomorrow' is the Lords. Our plans and hopes have a place but the Lord's plan takes precedence. As I quoted in the last post, the Lords plans cannot be thwarted.

So we have been enjoying our 'todays' and God gives us the grace to await His tomorrows with a peace that is beyond understanding.

Thanks for the wonderful gifts, hugs, flowers, cards, messages, hugs, and prayers. Yeah I like getting hugs.

Today

When I sent out the first news about Judy's cancer returning a friend of mine said she saw the email arrive from me and was assuming she would get a good chuckle from it. As in that case, I am not sure that I can raise any smiles in this update.

The result of the CT scan of Judy's liver confirmed that the cancer has spread. There are multiple lesions on the liver and this really has over shadowed the other areas of concern. The oncologist explained that the cancer is now spreading through the blood system, so it is possible that it can affect the other organs in the boby. They will be monitoring Judy very closely and may do other tests to check.

Judy is losing weight quite quickly so they want to start her on some appetite enhancing medicine.

At this stage they do not want to start Judy on Chemo. We are not exactly sure of the reasoning as yet but I suspect that they really want to limit the amount of bad news that throw at you in one go.

We did ask today about the prognosis and while they are not able to be very definitive they did indicate it is very poor.

We are now trying to take a day to gather our thoughts. It is a shock when you think that 2 months ago Judy was in seemingly great health.

We have a lot of decisions to make over the next days and weeks but we still need to gather more info, reflect on the situation, pray, speak with our doctors etc. So while today has bought a lot of clarity to our situation it is does not answer all questions and poses many new ones.

I will try to keep this updated when there is news or just reflections we want to share with you all. I hope that Judy will make some entries here as well.

We had a beautiful sermon on Sunday morning and we share with Nebuchadnezzar the assertion that the Lord's will can not be thwarted. We know the road that He maps out for us looks dark and we rely on His strenght to carry us through the days ahead.

Yesterday

Yesterday was an ordinary day.

We didnt go to the hospital or have any doctors visits. There was no testing, no blood work, no results to wait for. We just stayed at home, had time to sit in the sun. Judy felt a lot better, and her cold is well behind her now.

We went shopping for goceries together, even though each morning we see manna spread out for us. I even talked Judy into a cup of coffee at Panera Bread. She beat me in another game of W.E.L.D.E.R. I had admitted that I took it easy on her (just once) so now she is out to prove a point.

It was an ordinary day. As we prayed together at the end of the day I said to the Lord that we often say 'thank you for this day'. How much more so now Lord when you have shown us to treasure each moment with renewed awareness.

I'm not saying we won't have more days like yesterday we do expect to, but treasure them, each of you, as the blessing from the Lord that they are.

People have been asking how they can help - apart from the heavenly food (and the pristine house that 2 angels cleaned for us last night). All that is much appreciated, as are your cards, notes, calls, and prayers. To those who live nearby (or who have a spare 1,000,000 frequent flier points) - feel free to visit, for me any excuse for a cup of coffee is well received.

.

Tuesday Part 2

Judy's cold is feeling better. She has actually been off teaching piano lessons this afternoon. The strenght of character of this woman is incredible.

Today we met the oncologist. He is known by his staff as Pezz so that is what I will call him here as well.

Firstly he was able to confirm that the biopsy report shows that this is the same  disease and it has not mutated. A mutation would have caused a change in treatment options.

The PET scan from yesterday shows cancer in the right plueral sac - the bag surrounding the lungs. This was something we already knew. It also showed some cancer in the sac around the heart, this we also knew. There was also clear involvement of Judys spine at T12 and L1. While this isn't good news there are some positive elements to bear in mind here.

1. Each of these 3 confirmed sites respond to hormonal treatment. Judy will continue the treatment she started which is just a daily tablet, and also start a treatment of monthly injections to strenghten her bones.
2. Both of these treatments are well tolerated
3. The actual lungs and heart are themselves free of disease. Indeed Judy's breathing is so much more comfortable after the fluid was removed from her lungs and heart.

There is also uncertainly in the PET scan results as they suspect it may also have spread to the liver. Judy will have a CT Scan of the liver on Thursday to try to work this out. When breast cancer spreads to the liver it is still breast cancer, so the treatments are different than if this would be a primary cancer. Pezz thinks that if it has spread there then we would look at doing chemo.

I don't want to get into conjecture, we will wait and see what the CT scan has to say.

Pezz asked Judy a lot of questions about other areas of her body, pain or changes can indicate further spread of the diseasr. Judy calmly said no to all those - she doesn't have any particular back pain yet either. Then he asked us if we were OK emotionally? We looked at each other and she just said "yes".

IS 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
(1 Peter 1:4-7 ESV)

 Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you;
(1 Peter 3:13-15 ESV)

Tuesday Part 1

There is little to report today folks.

Judy had a scan yesterday - it takes 2 hours so I hope they had a really good look!

Today we meet with the oncologist to get the results of the scan and hopefully the results of the biopsy that the surgeon took last week. Eight years ago I remember waiting with bated breath for a similar appointment and we really heard nothing, so I'm trying to temper my impatience and expectations.

What do I want to hear? "It's all gone!" would be nice. Please Lord.

What might we hear? "The cytology report is conclusive we need more tests", "The scan didn't really show enough to make a judgement on your treatment", "Congratulations you're pregnant". (that would be a mixup in lab results!)

Now I find my old programming days coming back to me. If ... then .. else is a classic structure in programming. You can 'nest ' these structures. So when you get to the else part you can insert another if ... then .... else...

IFCancer is gone
     THEN sacrifice 40% of Erics herd of cows and do other happy things
      ELSE IF then we get all the different mutations of the disease, the different treatments etc.

the range of possible nested IF clauses are running through my head at light speed. Yes Laura. Light only travels at that speed in a vacuum so I know what I'm saying about the contents of my head.

Enough about me and physics. Judy has picked up Troys cold. A nasty nasal cold that he had last Thursday/Friday. So Judy has a truely miserable combination of coughing and sneezing, all tugging away at her sutures. This morning it does seem to be passing, thankfully.

Judy is losing weight pretty rapidly, she has very little appetite. This deepens our gratitude to all the wonderful women who have been preparing meals for us. Last night we had this like totally awesome chicken and chips dish and Judy had a good sized serving of it. Troy and I showed our solidarity and support by making sure there was nothing wasted.

I could rave about the other dishes we've been enjoying but I have to take Troy to school. Then we head to the doctors appointment. Please keep us in prayer for a full set of results. More later today.

Judy is home

Well it was a huge surprise but when I came in for my morning visit yesterday the surgeon popped in and said that Judy was "going home today".

It would be a lie to say I was overjoyed. Frankly the fact that I had run from the shower and direct to the car meant that the house was a mess. It wasn't utter chaos, but close enough. However the last 18 hours at Danbury had been a bit of a challenge, and Judy really really wanted to be home!

Judy had been moved from her private room to a shared one, and her new room mate made a lot of use of the call button, the TV, or just plain yelling. The hospital is a good place to have life saving stuff done, but sleep is not one of the important things in their book. Even when Judy was in her own room the nurses would come in to change dressings at 3am, surgerical rounds sometimes started at 5:30am, there was just a constant series of interuptions.

Some interuptions were really very welcome - e.g. visitors! However Judy has slept most of the time since she came home. Hopefully she can do a lot more of that over the weekend as well. Monday is the start of phase 2 of this and I hope we can have a quiet time of rest together before all the tests and (hopefully) treatments start up again.

Judy will not be able to do much for a few weeks - she cant lift anything over 10 pounds on her right side, she cant swim for a few weeks, nor can she fly for 3 months :-(

Speaking of pounds, Judy lost approx. 12 pounds last week. Partially because it's been hard to eat but mostly because of what they drained out of her.

Just a quick update. Please feel free to add comments to this blog. They dont charge for it!

I will try to do regular posts on here, probably without the nice photos that Judy always added. To try to make up for it I'll add spelling and grammatical errors.

So status today is;

- Judy had her heart drain out by the surgeon this morning. I was in attendance to offer support and direction if he needed it. Apart from needing some help with taping up the insertion point the surgeon did pretty well.
- So now there are drains to the lungs still in place and the amount of fluid draining is reducing quite steadily. Part of the struggle this week was getting the drain rate to decrease, while also keeping her hydrated. The more fluid she had in the IV or via driniking, the more fluid works its way out of the drain as well. Add the management of blood pressure, pulse rate, and lung and it really was a pretty complicated process.
- Since all her key systems (blood pressure, heart rate, private biological functions etc.) are working they moved her from the Step Down unit today. It's called Step Down cause it's a step down in management and monitoring from ICU. Judy had a very high level of care while there!
- The surgeon also said this morning that Judy should be home 'by the weekend'. I have reason to doubt the clarity of his verbal communication skills (which i won't go into here) so this means somewhere between Friday and Sunday. Friday would be nice but I still need to dust the vegetables and iron the mail. Important that everything is ready for her return home.
-Judy still has significant pain at times. Coughing is good for her lungs but really painfull. She has been walking pretty well although today although after the heart drain was removed I could see things were more painful.
- We have had a lot of visitors, each have been a great encouragement and blessing. We are very grateful for all those who have taken the time out during busy schedules to come and show their concern and love to Judy. Knowing that it's not fair to highlight anyone in particular, the best boost for Judy came from 2 young people who weren't even in the hospital. They are her piano students and had recorded a message of encouragement and a recital for Judy. A very special memory! Not everyone has been able to come visit, some kiwis have pretty good escuses I guess, but we have also been overrun by offers and deliveries of food as well as other practical demonstrations of support and care. I can't really keep up with the emails, calls, and texts. I do read them all and share them with Judy. Just because you might not get a reply please be assured they are warmly received and a big part of how the Lord has his hands wrapped tightly around us.
- Next steps. The scan has had to be delayed until Monday. Most things drive from the results of that scan and the biopsy results from her op on Saturday. The scan will show other possible areas of spread and the biopsy will show the nature of the disease. According to the oncologist yesterday the nature of the disease can mutate so all the characteristics such as estrogen receptor postive, or HER2/neu receptor status might have changed. This has direct bearing on the treatment options. So at this stage we are resting in the Lord and working through each day and the blessings and challenges that come with them.
- For anyone still reading  - Congratulations! You are determined indeed! Final item is about me - My right eye is doing very well. My surgeon is very pleased with progress and I can currently see at 20/25. Slight improvements still expected.

Goodbye Eliot

We barely saw him after recently finishing his finals for his junior year of university - we're not bitter, truly we aren't - and now he is off to NZ for the summer winter.  Brrrr I hope for your sake it's a mild winter Eliot.

Here are a few snaps of the way Eliot prepares for a long haul trip.   He likes to spread things out.

Mmmm, still looking pretty chaotic there Eliot.  Departure time is getting closer. 

 Phew; starting to look a little more orderly.  Even so, it's surprising what one college student can collect in a dorm room.  If you stop by and you happen to be feeling weary while you are in our garage, there is a lovely soft couch there along with plenty of other paraphernalia. 

 Ron, we're taking the Ford, not the Subaru.  Just because both cars are black doesn't give you the excuse not to know the difference between them!  Only Stella and I do that.

Yes we are sad too but I'm happy you are taking that banana full of potassium.  Your body will thank you for it.  It's probably the one piece of fruit you'll have had in this last semester.  See you in August.

Did you know it's rude not to share a joke?  I figured it out anyway - you're going to toss the banana.  I wasn't born yesterday, guys. 

Future Jazz Musician

Troy had expressed an interest in taking saxophone lessons for quite some time so when we decided it was not just a whim, we thought a birthday saxophone and some lessons would go down well and so it has; gone down well, that is.   

Here's Troy taking a call mid practice.  Let's hope it's not a secret admirer; after all he's only thirteen, way too young to be talking to girls. 

The saxophone is an incredibly loud instrument.  It's just as well we have an acre of land and don't live close to our neighbours otherwise we would probably have to be mindful of practice times.  It's unbelievable how much noise comes out of that piece of metal. 

Birthday bash

Troy's official party selection was Dadd's Extreme Indoor Sports which we duly headed for today with 6 rambunctious boys in tow.  Unfortunately two boys couldn't make it.  When we arrived we were met with a boarded up complex in spite of having been there only several weeks ago.  There were no sports to be had, let alone any extreme sports. 

Here are the boys expressing their disappointment at not being able to GoKart.   Everybody managed to pull a pseudo sad face upon request except the birthday boy. 

Okay, well maybe they weren't that disappointed since Laser Tag was the substitute. 

 Ron was hard pressed not to join the teens.  If only he hadn't injured his ankle last year.  I daresay he will be heavily influencing Troy's choice of birthday party location next time and be sure to join them.  My handbag badly needed tidying so unfortunately I couldn't join the boys. 

Spring haircut

An arborist came scouting the neighbourhood with his crew for some yard work and noticed residual storm damage in a couple of our large trees.  The marketing terminology is widow makers;a  partially broken branch can cause serious injuries when cascading onto an unsuspecting person walking underneath.  He only got the job because he caught Ron at home rather than me - I had a couple of bad experiences with shady contractors when we first moved to the U.S - although I will admit the trees look much better and it's not a job I would have liked to do.  Considering the height of the taller sycamore which at a wild guess is about 100ft (33m), necessitating a significant climb up into the tree, my thoughts last year of tackling that very task were completely unrealistic.

 This picture doesn't even give you the perspective of how high up the tree climbing/chain-sawing fella was.  In fact, looking out of my bedroom window which is a second storey window, I had to peer upwards to find him among the branches.  This shows him pretty far out from the main trunk.

  One would want to be confident about the quality of the safety ropes!

 No residual tree damage here though; just perpetual blossoms from our two Dogwoods flanking the Japanese Maple.  The arborist told us that the low rainfall this spring has caused the flowering trees to keep their blossoms for a longer period of time. 

 Here's an alternate shot with the late afternoon sun casting shadows.  At dusk the white blossoms take on a hue similar to what Iceberg roses do at dusk; something we loved about that particular rose we planted in our Christchurch garden.

Just in case you didn't see them properly in the last picture!  Amazingly, that's just a sample of our spring showcase.  I wouldn't think of boring you with every flowering plant/shrub/bulb located in our yard. 

General Douglas MacArthur a.k.a Troy

Troy selected a five star American General for his History Fair project and was able to tell us a lot about him when we visited the school today.

 This is fairly close to how MacArthur dressed.  He was very fond of his corncob pipe and donned sunglasses - we didn't have the aviator style sunglasses - but he would have had a bunch of authentic medals, not the cheap copies that we got from a party store.  We couldn't get a general's cap in a khaki shade so I bought some fabric the same colour as the shirt and after using the hat as a template to cut pieces of the fabric, I handsewed the fabric on top of the black cap.  It was finicky and a lengthy process but worth the effort. 

I doubt Troy would ever make a stern general despite the picture above this one.  This is a much truer likeness of him.  He might frustrate us at times with his lackadaisical approach to life but we are so thankful for his perpetual cheerfulness, unwavering affection, and guileless spirit.  On the eve of becoming a teenager, despite physically having gone through the process of maturing already for some time now, we have yet to encounter Troy in a bad mood, one of the classic symptoms of a typical teenager.   Yes, I'm sure I was moody. 

Being the 'baby' of the family means he gets to come with us even if it doesn't suit him; to music concerts, helping to clean up someone's yard, visiting friends of his parents who have no children his age or even no children at all, etc.  He rarely complains and for that we are grateful. 

    

U.S Snoeks to the Canadian Snoeks

Last week being Troy's spring break, we took the opportunity to visit family further up in North America where we always get such a warm welcome.  We usually avoid the 401 - the highway that goes through Toronto - and Niagara, and take a different route up and around crossing into Canada at 1000 Islands.   This time however, we wanted to visit two of Ron's aunts who live in the Toronto region so it made sense to stay in Buffalo, NY with friends for a night and then stop off for visits on the way through to Uncle Hans's place.

Here are a few of Tante Leny's paintings and embroideries.  Her artistic talent is amazing. 

 We had lunch downstairs in the restaurant that is part of the complex that she lives in.  As you can see she is doing pretty well for her age although I'm sure her stoicism covers up a fair bit of ongoing pain and discomfort. 

Tante Mieke broke her hip when she fell on ice a few months ago and further exacerbated her injuries when she bravely tried to get herself up on a car door handle.  Thankfully she is doing very well although doesn't have permission to drive yet.  In spite of being reliant on others for help which must be frustrating at times, she is as always, cheerful and gracious. 

Here's the lovely afternoon tea she had ready for us when we arrived; silver sugar and milk set, tea cups that Jane Austen would have relished drinking from, plenty of tempting treats and a lovely spring arrangement to boot.

These aren't the best snaps of Uncle Hans, but I started off the vacation with good intentions and my photo sessions fizzled out to nothing.  On the last day I realized I had taken none of Uncle Hans and none of the cousins.  Another good excuse not to wait too long until we visit Canada again! 

Piano Recital

Saturday afternoon most of my piano pupils (bar my adult students) participated in performing two prepared pieces of music.  It was as if I was standing beside them whispering in their ear, reminding them of all the things I say during a typical lesson - forte here, pianissimo there, ritardando, watch the phrasing, a little more staccato, don't over use the pedal etc.  They did a wonderful job. 

As you can see by the photos, there is a cross section of ages and cultures.  Even though probably all of these children were born in the U.S their heritage is varied - Italian, Korean, Dominican Republic, Russian and, of course, the land of the long white cloud.   

Here's Troy looking more like he's playing in a casual bar than in a church.  That blue T-shirt peeking out from under his shirt is a much better choice than the highlighter green one he would have chosen.  One of my students asked me if Troy got saddled with extra long and difficult pieces because he is the piano teacher's son.   Hmmmm....  maybe I could be a little kinder next year to my own flesh and blood.

Easter Assortment

This has probably been our most diverse Easter to date.  On Friday we were invited to a very enjoyable Seder (Passover) Meal.  It follows a specific form where all the elements and history are explained, and four traditional questions are asked and answered.  This has been a tradition of the host family for about 10 years now.  What is special about this Jewish tradition is to commemorate it as Christians;  with thankfulness to the Lord for the completion of His work in redeeming His chosen people. 

 Bill and Lisa, ever the gracious host and hostess served an abundance of wonderful cuisine - with leftovers to take home - and we enjoyed getting to know some other folk during the evening.

On Saturday evening we went to an Easter service at Brookfield Anglican Church.  A friend who has been going through some challenges, and is attending there, asked if we would attend.   It is a very beautiful stone church with stained glass windows inside. 

On Sunday we went to our own church, Orthodox Presbyterian, and, between the services listened to St Matthew Passion.  Since Bach was a Lutheran I could say we were dabbling in quite a few different denominations this weekend. 

Easter is springtime here for us of course in the northern hemisphere.  The supermarkets are full of potted plants - tulips, hyacinths etc @3 for $10.  My favourite colours are always the pinks, whites, blues and purples but I particularly liked the shade of this tulip. 

Eliot came home very briefly over Easter.  He had planned to join us for the Seder Meal but he only managed to stay for the appetizer as he was unexpectedly called back for R.A duty (resident assitant).  He arrived home in a much more colourful vehicle than we remembered he owned.  Apparently a bevy of girls decorated his car.  Sigma Chi is the fraternity that Eliot is a part of.  I  was a little disappointed that there weren't more Latin words painted on the car than just the measly two that are visible on the door.   

This just about deserves a post all on its own.  I almost needed CPR following the whole episode.  Here you see Ron smiling while cleaning the toilet, not having been coerced to do the dirty deed and then admitting that he didn't mind doing it.  Furthermore, he did a great job.

I hope you all had a blessed Easter.  Remember:

Commit thy ways to Jesus, Thy burdens and thy cares,
He from them all releases, He all thy sorrows shares,
He gives the wind their courses, And bounds the ocean's shores,
He suffers not temptations, To rise beyond thy power.

From St Matthew Passion